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Archive for November, 2007

I fear being alone.

I fear loneliness.

And yet more often than not, I am being thrusted upon this terrible fate of mine.

I always have to fight the fear.

To kill the monster within.

Fear……..

***

Wish that someone would spend some time with me.

A hug to assure me that everything would be alright.

And I wonder if you know
How it really feels
To be left outside alone
When it’s cold out here
Well maybe you should know
Just how it feels
To be left outside alone

To be left outside alone

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:/ Another boring day.

I’m bored. And hungry.

No one to cure my boredom.

No one to curb my hunger.

LaLaLA………………

I’m flying off next Monday already.

Doesn’t really feel so.

I guess I should spend my time meeting friends who requested to meet me.

Instead of rotting at home, doing nothing, staring into blank space, wondering why my HP never ever rings.

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Recently, fruits are my new-found friends for tum tum.

And it’s pretty effective 😉

I used to have pretty bad constipation, followed by intense diarrhoea.

After consuming apples, papayas, honeydews etc, the situation has greatly improved.

I’m clearing my bowels daily, and it’s an easy process!

Whee, I think I will continue to go with this regime, since I have this self-deluded thinking that my body has less toxins now =x

Heh!

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A day.

Another day has gone.

The sun has risen up once again.

And yet it will set soon.

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L.o.v.e

What is love without trust?

What is it exactly?

Infatuation? Lust? Habit?

The tiny part in me that has been subsided seem to roar back alive once again.

And it’s suffocating me. It’s killing me.

It craves for a tomorrow of freedom and happiness.

It yearns for a secure me.

It shouts out for someone who really treasures and cares about how I feel.

The turn of events seems to be feeding this tiny part of me.

It gets lonelier than ever.

The fact is,

No one ever knew who I am. No one actually feel what I feel.

I’m lost. And I do not have the courage to fight on.

Where was the once confident me?

It’s very existence seems to be depleting.

I need to find myself back………Where am I?

Joanna, wake up your blardy idea!

Stop being such a wussy and hiding behind this facade!

It’s no use being so whiny and naggy

Learn to live your life back again.

Learn to love yourself more than to love others.

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Tired, tired, tired

Ignorance is bliss.

I am starting to believe it.

It’s hard to pretend and turn the blind eye.

And you wonder why, you even bother.

It isn’t too difficult after a while, I guess.

Numbed?

It’s an icy frozen feeling.

Whatever it is, I wouldn’t probe anymore.

No point, because I would only be classified as ‘nagging’.

And the nagger chooses to be silent.

The nagger no longer wants to rant anymore.

Silence. Peace. Dead.

*** 

It is like climbing an uphill slope.

First, it’s tiring.

Then, it’s super exhausting. You are so mentally screwed, you just want to give up.

And when you finally reach the peak, you are so numbed by all the obstacles that you kind of forgotten the pain?

However, the fact is, after you get back, you suffer even more intense pain.

Such as muscle cramps etc.

It’s just in another form.

There is no difference at all.

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Bahs!

It is times like this when I wonder about life.

And what exactly it is.

And what does happiness mean?

I always preach contentment to my Mum, but I doubt I am any better.

I don’t practise what I preach.

I think I am pretty much a failure.

Like seriously, weather seems to affect one’s mood pretty easily and drastically.

Just like me.

One moment, I am all smiles.

The next, gloomy.

Must be the PMS…must be.

***

What is one’s worth in another’s life?

How worthy are you in your parents’ life? Your family’s life? Your partner’s life? Your friend’s life? Your colleague’s life?

Just how much worth is, worth?

And how do you measure it?

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